How To Bond With Your Baby If It Isn’t Immediate

Many of the clients we work with are new mothers or parents struggling to make sense of the profound physical and emotional changes that come with welcoming a new baby into the world. We are surrounded by narratives promoting the idea that everyone has a deep and instantaneous emotional bond with their child — but the truth is much more complex.

In the days, weeks, and months after becoming new parents, we navigate complex emotional and physical changes that impact each of us differently. For some, that bond takes time to develop and must be gently nurtured. In today’s post, we’ll look at steps you can take to do just that.

Allow for Recovery

Every new parent responds to the arrival of a new baby in different ways — but many mothers have to contend with serious physical and mental health concerns after delivery. Postpartum depression and issues with physical health can make it difficult to establish a bond with your baby. Feeling frustrated and ashamed is natural when that bond isn’t immediate.

With that in mind, it’s important to remember that your first responsibility is recovery. Treat yourself with kindness and love. Give yourself space to heal by leaning on the people around you for help. By allowing yourself that space, you’ll ensure you’re in the right headspace to bond with your baby during your time together.

Skin-to-Skin Contact

Physical closeness and skin-to-skin contact help to establish a bond between parents and their babies. That closeness triggers signals that tell our body to produce oxytocin, a ‘love’ hormone that promotes bonding between people. Even when your baby is crying or upset, your presence and love provide security and stability. You may be frustrated that you can’t soothe them, but their cries are not a signal that you are insufficient or a bad parent.

Feeding Time

This can be a frustrating time for new mothers — especially if breastfeeding doesn’t come easily or isn’t an option for medical reasons. Regardless of how you choose to feed your baby, this is a time for the two of you to connect. Practice talking to yourself and your baby in a positive and encouraging voice

during feedings. Make eye contact with them if you can, smile at them, and let them hear you. If you are having trouble bonding with your baby, it’s okay to talk about that with them. You can talk about your fears and hopes — but always remember that you and your baby are a team, and you will find your way through that bonding process together. Like everything else in life, it takes a little patience and practice.

Create a Comfy Nest

This is sometimes easier said than done. Babies and children bring quite a lot of mess with them. Even so, trying to create a comfortable environment for yourself and your baby is important. Let in some natural light; play positive or soothing music in the background. If you have a support network, you can engage with them and ask for their help getting chores done around the house. Ask if your partner or a friend can stop and pick up some flowers on their way over.

Seek Community

Many new parents struggle with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. Consider reaching out to support groups, friends, and family to talk about what you’re going through. Soothing your own fears will help you relax so that you have time to build a bond with your baby.

Schedule a Consultation

If you’re struggling to bond with your baby due to anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues, consider reaching out to schedule a free consultation. These challenges are normal and nothing to be ashamed of — and you don’t have to face them alone. We can make a plan together to help you and your baby build a bond together.