a couple. help for relationship anxiety, counseling for healthy relationships

In a highly connected, social media-driven world, it can be difficult to step back and relax—especially regarding relationships. Past trauma and low self-esteem make it difficult for many to feel comfortable and secure even in an otherwise healthy relationship. Often, those anxieties are rooted in childhood relationships with caretakers that we may not fully understand. On top of that, while communication has never been easier, most of us are never taught how to express our feelings in a productive way.

Have you ever spent an evening checking your phone obsessively for your partner’s next text message or notification? Do you analyze their likes and comments on social media, looking for a sign they’re ready to leave? If so, you may be experiencing Relationship Anxiety.

What is Relationship Anxiety?

On a formal basis, Relationship Anxiety is characterized by feelings of fear and worry. It is often linked to abusive or unhealthy prior relationships or attachment issues formed in early childhood. At its core, it is the absence of feeling safe or secure in your relationships. It may be helpful to think of Relationship Anxiety in terms of a fight-or-flight response. Our instincts are still tuned for a more primitive environment. Our bodies can’t always differentiate between physical threats like being hunted by wild animals or emotional threats like being abandoned, betrayed, or lied to. In a similar way, being abandoned also threatens our survival.

In either case, our body responds the same way. Our brain sends a signal to start pumping out stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Sometimes that means we end up locked in a state of hypervigilance. We’ve been hurt before, and we don’t want to be hurt again. Our bodies remember the pain.

What are the symptoms of relationship anxiety?

Physical Symptoms

Often, but not always, Relationship Anxiety is accompanied by physical symptoms. These are most often triggered during periods of doubt, uncertainty, or conflict. These may include:

  • Heart Palpitations
  • Cold Sweats
  • Panic Attacks
  • Nausea
  • Insomnia
  • Aches
  • Dizziness

Emotional Symptoms

Some of the emotional signs that accompany Relationship Anxiety include, but are not limited to:

  • Fear of Abandonment
  • Low Self-Esteem
  • Difficulty with Trust
  • Avoiding Emotional Honesty
  • Jealousy \ Possessiveness
  • Feelings of Guilt \ Shame
holding hands. counseling for relationship anxiety

How to Combat Relationship Anxiety

There are a few key ways to manage your Relationship Anxiety and combat the feelings of worry and dread that may negatively impact your relationships. Since Relationship Anxiety is at its core about the lack of feeling safe or secure, your goal is to create conditions for you to feel safe and secure.

Focus on Loving Yourself

Understand your wants and needs so you can clearly communicate them. By focusing on yourself, you can alleviate feelings of low self-esteem you may be struggling with. The more you love yourself, the easier it will be to end a relationship that isn’t making you happy, and the more secure you will feel that it isn’t catastrophic if it doesn’t work out.

Explore Your Feelings

Identifying the behaviors that trigger your feelings and communicating them to your partner is a healthy part of setting boundaries. If you’re struggling with negative thoughts, journaling and therapy are important tools at your disposal to explore those feelings. Getting worries out on paper can make them feel small. Similarly, talking to someone objective, whom you trust, about your worries might help you look at them in a new light.

Stay in the Moment

Instead of letting past hurts dictate future fears, try staying grounded in the present. Take long walks. Indulge your senses. Allow tastes, smells, and sights to linger as you experience them. If you immerse yourself in activities like taking a warm bubble bath or listening to your favorite song, you’ll be less worried about why you haven’t received a text message.

Staying grounded in the present also involves differentiating the present from the past. Sometimes, we bring past relationships into the present in an attempt to protect us from pain and hurt. However, the person in front of you might be very different from your previous partner. In addition, you may be different from your past self because of additional learning and growth.

Seeking Counseling

Managing anxiety is easier said than done, but it is possible. As therapists, we teach clients skills and techniques they can use to step back and analyze their relationships with clear-eyed focus. There are a wide variety of treatments and support options for people struggling with relationship anxiety. Reach out today for more information about how we can help you manage your anxiety and have healthier relationships.