Part 2: Overcoming Codependency

Welcome back for part two of our series on codependency. In part one, we explored signs of codependency, what causes it, and the patterns it gives rise to in relationships. In part two, we’ll delve into how you can overcome codependency, restore your sense of self-worth, and liberate yourselves from the patterns that define your relationship.

Becoming Self-Aware

The first step in fixing any problem is to acknowledge that it exists. As a codependent, it may be tempting to blame the negative patterns in your relationship on a partner’s struggles with addiction or their lack of gratitude for the sacrifices that you’ve made on their behalf. It’s important for you to step back from those urges and acknowledge your own part in that cycle.

Breaking free from codependency isn’t about the person you’re with—it’s about you. Because codependency is, at its heart, a crisis of identity, your first step is creating and prioritizing a new relationship with yourself.

Turn Inward

Codependents often lose track of their own identity when they’re locked into the cycle of a codependent relationship. What are your personal goals? If you weren’t busy providing care and support for others, what hobbies would you spend time on? What would happen if you prioritized your own needs and interests first?

Create Boundaries

There’s no “Boundaries 101” class taught in school—but maybe there should be. Codependent individuals need to set and maintain clear boundaries. Saying no is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice to learn how to say it. It may be extraordinarily difficult for you to set these boundaries initially, but it’s important to give yourself the same love and care you would give others.

Challenge Your Perspective

Many people who are codependent find it helpful to externalize themselves when making decisions or evaluating whether or not something is fair. When you’re struggling with a difficult decision, treat yourself like your own best friend or a child you’re responsible for. What advice would you give your friends? What would happen if you gave it to yourself?

In challenging your own perspective, practice giving yourself the kindness and support you would show others. At all times, remind yourself that you deserve that same kind of support. Maybe you won’t get that from others—but you can at least give it to yourself. Codependents often have low self-esteem and a need for reassurance and validation. It’s important to acknowledge and challenge these beliefs.

Foster Friendship & Connection

Spend time making friendships & connections outside your codependent relationship. These relationships will help give you a better sense of self. The cycle of codependency is a hungry beast, and it feeds on time—it’s likely that you’ve neglected friendships and family relationships over the years. Consider getting in touch with old friends or making new ones.

Recognize the Addiction

While this may be difficult to read, codependency can be thought of as a kind of relationship addiction. With that in mind, be aware you may be tempted to return to the familiar cycles that have defined your relationships thus far. Your body knows those waters well. It knows that there’s a familiar hit of dopamine waiting just around the corner after every blow-up. As chaotic and tumultuous as it is, like a smoker, an alcoholic, or a drug addict, you may crave the intensity of that toxic relationship—especially as you begin to break free.

Be patient with yourself. Expect that you’ll make mistakes. Be there for yourself when you do.

Counseling

It’s difficult to break free from the cycle of codependency—but you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re looking to find a way to shake yourself loose from the patterns holding you in place for so long, reach out today. We’re here to help you navigate these changes in your life.