Self-care is a top priority. It’s a cliche to say: “if you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anybody else.” And yet, it is so true.
I’m not just talking about taking a bubble bath or getting your nails done or reading your favorite book. Those are specific self-care activities and it is important for us to have some of those to help us reduce stress or enjoy life.

The self-care I’m talking about here is:

Doing things we need to support ourselves either physically or emotionally. For example, you may need to go to a support group. A 5-mile run in the morning may give you a good start of the day. You may need to have a date night with your partner. Or you may need to talk to your best friend once in a while. Sometimes, you may need to have 20 minutes alone time in the evening.

Considering our impact on others. Whatever we do, it has an impact on others. Like a ripple effect, the closer somebody is to us, the bigger the impact. Therefore, it is something we need to consider if we want to maintain healthy relationships or establish new ones. It doesn’t mean we always say “yes” to others so they will stay. It means we need to be considerate of both our and others’ needs, so the relationship is helpful and sustaining for both.

Prioritizing and finding balance. We have so many responsibilities to juggle on a daily basis. Sometimes it is necessary to reschedule your dentist appointment to attend to somebody else’s crisis. Sometimes your kids can wait a little bit while you work out for 30 minutes. So what is the priority? How do I find a balance so I can get optimal result? 

Thinking about the impact on us in helping others. When we try to help others, how would that affect us, both in the short term and the long term? Would I still have time to do something that’s really important to me? Would I feel resentful? Can I afford the loss of time and energy?

Managing boundaries. We set different boundaries with different people. The decision is based on the quality of the relationship and how it affects us. If, for instance, somebody is always negative and you notice you always feel down after being with this person, you may need to evaluate: what boundary I need to set with this person, am I getting too close? If you feel lonely, you can ask yourself: do I need to get closer to somebody? Do I need to reach out?

Focusing on the bigger picture. It is easy to just look at the short term, the immediate result. We are wired to do that. However, it is also important to focus on the bigger picture. Is my decision in line with my values? Does what I’m doing help me accomplish my life goals? I may feel better for a moment but does it contribute to my overall well-being and long-term health?

Controlling our responses. Sometimes we react without thinking. Sometimes we do things or say things we may regret later on. It happens. It is normal. I am not asking for perfection. I am certainly not perfect. It is learning to become more aware and use skills to make it happen less and have less negative impact. 

Being grateful. It is finding the silver lining whenever you can and being grateful for it. Sometimes it is easier but other times it is hard to see things from another perspective. Try to get into the habit of doing it. It may change how you feel, even just slightly. It may also help you deal with things better.

Learning from the past. Every choice, experience, or action counts. They can help us better understand ourselves, what we need or don’t need for our well-being or recovery journey, who are the safe people for us to be around, which areas we need to work on, etc. It contains a wealth of information that we can draw upon to better ourselves and better our lives.

These are just a few of the many self-care tips or coping skills. It can be overwhelming to tackle all. Just focus on one area and take action. Big change comes from small steps over a period of time. Be patient and gentle with yourself. You are well on your way.