Grief During the Holidays

The holiday season can feel impossible when you’re grieving. While the world around you sparkles with lights and celebration, you might feel like you’re moving through a fog. The traditions that once brought joy now highlight the absence of someone you love.

However, you do not have to meet the expectations of the season. Instead of focusing on surviving, explore how to create new, quieter ways to honor your loved one and find moments of peace amidst the pain.

Why the Holidays Hurt More

Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and it certainly doesn’t take a break for the holidays. In fact, this time of year can amplify what you’re feeling inside. You might find yourself cycling through sadness, anger, guilt, or numbness—sometimes all in a single day. The constant reminders of happier times, the empty seat at the table, and well-meaning but painful questions from others can make everything feel heavier.

You might also experience what’s called “anticipatory grief” before the holidays even arrive. Just thinking about getting through them without your loved one can feel overwhelming. This is entirely normal. Your grief is a reflection of your love, and there’s no “right” way to feel during this season.

Permission to Pause

Drop the ‘Shoulds’ and Allow Yourself to Feel

Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up. If you need to cry during a holiday gathering, that’s okay. If you feel moments of joy or laughter, that’s okay, too. Grief isn’t linear, and experiencing happiness doesn’t mean you’re forgetting your loved one or “moving on” too quickly. You’re simply being human.

Remixing the Holidays: Adapting Traditions

You don’t have to do things the way you’ve always done them. It’s perfectly acceptable to skip certain traditions this year or create new ones that feel more manageable. You could celebrate on a different day, scale down the festivities, or incorporate something that honors your loved one’s memory. Ask yourself what feels right for you, not what you think you “should” do.

Setting Clear Boundaries

People often don’t know what to say to someone who’s grieving, which can lead to awkward conversations or insensitive comments. It’s okay to set boundaries. If you need to leave a gathering early or decline an invitation, communicate that clearly. True friends and family will understand and respect your needs.

Building Bridges, Not Barriers

Finding ways to remember and honor your loved one can bring comfort. This might include lighting a candle in their memory, preparing their favorite dish, looking through photos together with family, or making a donation to a cause they cared about. These rituals can help you feel connected to them while acknowledging their absence.

Prioritize Peace

Grief is exhausting. You might not have the energy for elaborate celebrations or your usual routines, and that’s completely understandable. Prioritize rest, eat nourishing foods when you can, and be gentle with yourself. This isn’t the time to push through or pretend everything’s fine.

Break the Isolation

Isolation can make grief feel even heavier. Reach out to friends who understand, opt for online grief counselling, or connect with others who’ve experienced similar losses. Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone in your pain can provide comfort. If you’re finding it difficult to get through each day, consider working with a therapist who specializes in grief and loss.

When to Reach Out

If your grief feels overwhelming, interferes with your daily life, or you need help navigating this difficult journey, talking to a therapist can help. Grief counseling can provide you with tools and support as you navigate the holidays. Call and schedule an appointment so we can discuss meaningful ways to handle grief and the holiday season.